porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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