just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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