69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
