At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
