Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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