Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
