My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i think im in europe. pls send help
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your penis caused this!
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