What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
