yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
