I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
