I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
