Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
