i need an iv and a liver transplant
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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