wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
