I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
