if only i could text you this smell
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
