My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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