plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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