i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is Oprah even human
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
