Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize