the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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