I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
