When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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