I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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