i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize