It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
