On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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