In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
