singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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