alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm always down for nudity.
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