My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it glows. i had to have it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
