Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
