I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
