Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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