it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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