I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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