so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
