he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
