someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
