Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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