FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
