my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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