I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
