That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
