Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
