I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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