So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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