so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
