He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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