Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
