Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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