Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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