I will die if light touches me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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