My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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