is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
