I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
