he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
