Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
