She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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