This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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