Don't EVER smell your tampon
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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