I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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