How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
