I didn't shave. On purpose
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
