Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
