The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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