You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize