why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please don't give away my fajitas
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