We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
