Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
