you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
