just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
