TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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