are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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