Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
