dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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