im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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