I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
