gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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