She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
