They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
