I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
