listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
