I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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