I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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