His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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