Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
