i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
