just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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