I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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