I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
