He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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