Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
