Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My feet surprised me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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