And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
