Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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