Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize