Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize