Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
