I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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