woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
