My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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