i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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