Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
