So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My life is pants optional.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
