He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
