Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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